it wasn't lemon gatorade
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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