how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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