clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
