So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize