a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
