I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
