she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
