Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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