I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
