can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
