booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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