He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
