You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
