I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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