better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
