im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
