What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
