YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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