8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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