I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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