Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
