I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
even my farts smell like vagina
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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