I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
