Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
