I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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