I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
