For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
