I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
