there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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