happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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