that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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