Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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