We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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