I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
