I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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