I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
