They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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