That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
