ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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