just tell him i said nine months
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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