The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i've created a new STD.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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