You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
