i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
