You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
