I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
