Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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