I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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