I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
