don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
