My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize