I cockslap morals
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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