my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
