Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
