k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
bring money and cleavage
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
