My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
