Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
