look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
